THREE YEARS ON...

Hi guys, firstly apologies for my lack of posts. With H being home at present with no tours lined up life is just normal and boring. 

Any way, today is my three year anniversary! YES THREE YEARS MARRIED! Last year H warned me that he would never top his gift, a trip in a hot air balloon over West Wales. He was right, haha! I don't tend to compare extravagant gifts, last year H was in Afghanistan and our anniversary happens to fall within R&R, therefore we had more money spare for me to be spoilt! 

This year, H is on summer leave however I had work all day. Whilst sat at my desk all I could think was that I wanted to be at home. Looking at the clock and reliving 3 years ago... 10am - at this time I was having my hair done... Etc etc! Neither of our wedding songs (we had two) were released by the artists so no songs were played on the radio for me to reminisce. Although a song by The Script did come on, and I paused at my desk, let the numbers in my head wander away as I listened to Danny's voice. Humming our song "Im Yours" in my head just after as I made a cup of tea. 

It's hard to believe that I've had a different name for three years. The past three years haven't been hunky-dory to say the least, but he is mine and I am his. I still look at him, stare at him when I think that he's not looking, he always feels my eyes and gets freaked out. He thinks I'm weird. But I could stare at him forever. I know the lines in his face, I know the slope of his nose, the green in his eyes. My handsome hero. 

Technically today was just another day, no acknowledgement from the outside world, apart from those on twitter who responded with "Happy Anniversary" to my soppy anniversary message to H. But I like the fact that this celebration can be one celebrated by H and I alone, we put T to bed (J stayed at his grandparents), H went out to collect an Indian take away and wine, then we watched a movie, cwtched up on the sofa. Just us. 

By saying this people may think that I don't know what's around the corner but... I will love this man until my dying breath. Our relationship isn't all flowers and lace but we love each other. Love is all we need. 

Together Forever!

Forever Together! 

08/08/10 = love! 

IN ORDER TO LEAVE AFGHANISTAN...

Having H home was amazing! I could relax, I didn't have that constant worry and the constant longing for a telephone call. I didn't have to pray every time I drove home in fear that a uniformed figure may be lurking waiting to tell me the news.

I looked at him, at his skin, at his hair. He was real and he was sat right in front of me. I could have burst into tears just from the relief being lifted! But now it was time to tackle the next obstacle, getting used to him being at home, in this country.

This time around we didn't have a newborn to distract us from one another. From the lost lust that had been pushed to one side for 6 months. The thought of having someone in my bed every night was a distraction from sleep. My man, my soldier. I could touch him, he could touch me. Finally this wasn't a dream!

H seemed to come back a different man once again. He still wasn't the H I met before the first tour in 2009 but I knew he would never be that H again. The two and a half years in between H's deployments had gone by rather quickly looking back. A few memories I'd rather forget, but they made us stronger so I must be thankful for everything that has happened between us.

H and I sat down one evening, with a drink and had a lovely long chat. I think it was most needed to reconnect our brains to each others after being apart for way too long. He told me stories from the first tour and explained to me how different it was out there now. One story about him and his comrades being ambushed in this particular area during his first story was one he retold, he said he went back there. He couldn't believe that it was not now being run by the Taliban. I expected areas to haunt him, areas where he lost his good friends, but he said going back had made him realise something.

We had been up and down, and up and down a lot in between his tours. One minute we'd be happy, the other we would be gripping each other in rage. I'm not an innocent party to everything that went on, but H did say something to me that will never go away. He said that truthfully he had never really left Afghanistan after his first operational tour out there. The memories had stuck, the good and the bad. They would never have gone away anyway, but his memories were of fear and devastation. He said that having gone back there and revisiting areas that were not good last time had helped him "leave" the Afghanistan he previously knew behind.

In his words ... "In order to leave Afghanistan I had to go back to Afghanistan. My freshest memory now is a peaceful one"

TIME TO TURN THE PAGE

So it was a new countdown, however I did feel it was only a small jump to the end. 10 weeks, a walk in the park after the first stint! Whilst back at home my routine was to be put back into place. It was time to numb my brain whilst sat at my desk in work!

Once H had returned to Afghanistan, T had started wetting the bed, every night and sometimes more than once a night. It was heartbreaking thinking that the reason for this was because of his daddy not being around. What must children go through when a parent is deployed, and what effects does this have? Even keeping him occupied during the day cannot avoid what happens during sleep! The only thing I could do was wait for it to pass and pray that it did. The words "When is Daddy coming home?" Were said often before bed. I had to promise him that Daddy would return and bring presents. Once T was in bed it was time for me to convince myself that he would be home safe and sound, and not wet my bed with my tears.

T wet the bed for roughly two weeks. I was very pleased when it passed! However it made me realise that once they stopped it was because he got used to H not being here again! There was no hiding from worry and stress.

****

Weeks passed in a blur, however thankfully they passed quickly. I hyped up the fact that Daddy would be home soon to T and J, adding to the fact that both of their birthdays were coming up, they were like little bottles of pop!

H's homecoming date seemed to sneak up on me! It was T's 3rd birthday. H landed that morning. I had sorted out his new car for him to collect on his way home. I have to say I wasn't sure whether H was more excited about his new car or seeing me and the boys! I had work during the day and had arranged with my mother to take T for a meal for his birthday. H was hoping that he'd be able to get home in time to surprise T by walking into the restaurant with his birthday cake. I did not tell the children that their daddy was home that day, I wanted it to be a surprise.

T had spoken to H a few days before his birthday and told him he wanted a caterpillar cake. H had asked if T would keep him a slice of cake, and T promised him the caterpillars face. This made my heart miss a beat. I could not wait to see them reunited. I feel for T a lot when H is away, he has no male influence in his life. I'm a "single" mother whilst in the house, my mum looks after him and the childminder is a woman. J still has his biological father who he sees often so missing H isn't so much of a burden for him. Unfortunately now my dad is poorly and living in a care home T doesn't even have his influence. I wish H's family were able to come down and see him more often, at least T would then have his father to look up to whilst his daddy was away.

T clearly looks up to H, and loves him. At the restaurant we ate our meals and I knew H was unable to reach us in time for T's cake. I watched the flames flicker in T's smiley eyes as we sang Happy Birthday. It broke my heart thinking that H was unable to make it. T blew out the candles. As we cut into the cake T blurted out "Keep the face for my daddy, keep the face for my daddy". Thankfully I knew H was on his way home, otherwise I'd have burst into tears.

Once home I got the boys changed into their PJs, and we all sat there waiting. J had worked out that daddy was coming home but T still had no idea. I tried my best to keep them awake, but one at a time they dosed off! I sat there with my sleeping boys, with the biggest smile on my face. My man was coming home! I carried T up to bed and J slowly followed me. I tucked them up, kissing each of them on the forehead. "When you wake your daddy will be here" I whispered to T as I closed his bedroom door. I closed his door, looked up and my legs turned to jelly. H was almost here!! J gave me a kiss and promptly fell asleep, all worn out from excitement that will finally meet its end in the morning with the glimpse of their dad!

I found it hard to settle knowing that this chapter was finally over and soon I could turn the page! The door knocked and he was here! Home! Safe! Our lips connected and nothing could take away the ecstasy I was feeling!

****

The next morning I woke up, my man at my side. I realised T had sneaked in during the night, he was asleep on my other side. He'd completely missed the fact that there was another body in the bed. T stirred, woke up. He lifted his head from the pillow and made a double take. "DADDY" he screamed jumping over me straight onto H! Wow! Father and son reunited! J must've woken from the activity in our room. He came racing in "Daddy" he said jumping onto our bed. I giggled and just sat there thinking how lucky I really am!

GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END

Wow, apologies for not writing in an extremely long time!

R&R of Herrick 16 flew by in the blink of an eye. I did not want it to end, but it had to. The events of the past two weeks would stay with me forever, that moment in the hot air balloon as I looked up at my man who was staring out at the scenery, I knew I had him back. Those bad times were ancient history, this was the man I fell in love with. After the balloon crash landed (that was fun) H and I grabbed fish & chips and ate them out of the wrapper. Giggling into our bag of chips I remember realising just how much he meant to me and how much I truly loved him. The problem now is what will he do to top this for our future anniversaries, he's going to have to book a space shuttle journey. The sky was the limit this time, now it's time to pass that! Although, I suppose you could say he's already put me up in space, having named a star after me!

The day he was due to fly back went by too fast. His flight was early hours of the morning, and I was dropping him to the airport. Watching him pack up his stuff was like a blow to the stomach, all I focused on was the fact he wasn't going back for long, only 10 weeks and he'd be home, finished, done.

We dressed the boys in their PJs and clambered into the car. H drove, and I sat in the passenger seat looking out the window at the starry sky. I made shapes out of the clouds, thinking about anything but the word goodbye!

Nothing ever goes smoothly for us I have to say, whilst driving through the dark lanes towards to the airport we got a flat tyre. So now T is petrified because its dark and we're surrounded by tall dark trees. H is left to change the tyre solo because I'm cwtching T to keep him calm. J needs a wee, thank goodness I only have boys, so he's in the trees having a wee and I'm shining my phone toward him so he can see. It was lucky that the tyre went before we dropped H off, as otherwise I'd have been stuck because it was the middle of the night and I have no idea how to change a tyre! We finally get to the airport, and then I know the goodbyes are coming. The boys are jumping all over H before they say goodbye to their daddy. I sit there, heartbroken holding back the tears. I do not want H to see my cry, I scream to myself in my head "HOLD IT TOGETHER WOMAN"! After the boys have jumped all over H and had their hugs and kisses I stepped out of the passenger side of the car, whilst H stepped out of the drivers side. It was my turn. He held me in his arms and kissed me, "Goodbye baby". I held it together, I got into the drivers seat and watched H walk away. I said a silent prayer for him to be safe out there.

10 weeks and counting....

MUCH WANTED KISSES

The weeks leading up to my husbands R&R were nerve-wrecking! Too many questions flew through my head, Will he still find me attractive? How do I kiss him; Do I even know how to kiss anyone, it's been that long!!! What do I do in the bedroom? What do I wear? What do I say? What if I don't recognise him? Butterflies fluttered around my stomach, making me excited, making me feel sick with nerves.

The count down turned from double figures to 9, 8, 7 (one week!!!), 6, 5, 4 (Oh my gosh!)... The weekend before H came home I had taken J to London for a football training day, and a tour around Arsenal Emirates Stadium with an absolutely amazing charity called My Daddy Is A Soldier Adventures (www.mydaddyisasoldieradventures.org). I cannot thank this charity enough for making my sons experience such a good one.



J supports Arsenal anyway, but he had the most fantastic day and still talks about it now, a month on! Whilst I was stood outside the Emirates Stadium awaiting our tour my mobile phone rang. "Afghanistan" and my husbands picture flashed up on the screen. I answered excitedly, eager to tell H of J's football training that morning and to say we were about to have our tour of the stadium. He also had something he was eager to share with me... "Baby, I'm coming home tomorrow". So I went from 4 days left to ONE! I cried, tears of joy. My stomach squirmed!

Thankfully I had my legs waxed the day previous, but I had so much to do before he came home. I stayed at my friend's house in Aldershot after the football day, and I felt like bouncing around constantly! The morning after I had to quickly pack up the car, pack up the children, and hit the road... The road that lead to the moment I had been waiting 18 weeks for! As stupid as this sounds but I was seriously worried about the first kiss.

Cruising down the M4 I was hyperactive, stressed, anxious, excited and nervous. I got home, finally! So much to do, so little time. Shower - check. Hair dried - check. The in-laws turned up ready to look after the children for when I go to the train station to pick up my soldier!! The watched the children for me as I applied my face, and pulled out outfit after outfit. I opted for a floral, lightweight, loose mini-dress, tan flip-flops and my denim jacket. I was shaking all the way to the train station. I got there with roughly 25 minutes to go, and I was parked in a 20 minute short stay space. I spoke to the attendent by the station entrance, after explaining my situation the lady was more than happy to let me through and said to not worry about my car.

I stood there waiting. Texting him! 'I'm pulling into the platform now baby' a text I received read. I was still shaking, more than ever. I stood there looking at the crowd walking towards me. I could not stand there and watch him walk towards me, I stood to the side so I could no longer see the crowd. So many people were filing out of the tunnel. Queueing to pop they're tickets into the barriers to let them through. I see it... The flash of camoflauge and tanned skin. I looked up. My handsome husband was showing his ticket to the guard, I slowly walked towards him, weak at the knees. I fell into his arms and collapsed into his embrace. "I'm home baby" he whispered into my ear, and tears rolled down my face. And there it was, the kiss! I pulled myself away from his chest and looked up at him, still being held up in his arms. He lowered his face to meet mine. Everyone in the station stopped, stopped for us, the world stopped. It was just me and him.

We walked back to the car, I felt like a little kid. I just kept looking at him. It was like a dream. I was waiting, any moment now I'd wake up! He softly kissed my lips once more before he pulled out of the car park. All I wanted to do was touch him, kiss him. The reunion with the children was beautiful. I had not told T that his Daddy was coming home, J knew as he'd watched me cry when I heard the news of H coming home early. T went running into his arms screaming "Daddy!!!!" and continuously told H's parents "This is my Daddy", just to make sure they knew who he was, they may have forgotten!

**IMAGE TO FOLLOW**

It was extremely strange having him home, having to share my evenings with someone, not that I was complaining! Our anniversary was coming up, two years wed. I have to admit those two years have had their ups and downs, but this was it, our turning point. Op Herrick 16 has turned our world around, in all the best ways! H had major anniversary plans, but they were a secret. The morning of our anniversary we exchanged gifts. I had bought him an Italian leather golf score card wallet. He loved it. He pulled out two boxed. I was excited. I opened the biggest box, it was a beautiful Pandora bracelet, complete with an angel charm. H told me the charm is to look after me when he is away. I wanted him to place it on my wrist straight away, but I had to open my other small box first. Inside the small ring sized boxed sat a small Love Letter Pandora charm, held in place with a dusk pink ribbon. "That is for the letters we have sent each other whenever I'm away" he said. He said he is going to fill my bracelet over the years with charms that tell our story. He is too romantic sometimes, but it makes me fall in love with him over and over again.

**IMAGE TO FOLLOW**

He then took me to one of my favourite towns, Brecon. We sat in a lovely coffee shop and I had a pot of tea with scones, strawberry jam and clotted cream. What H had planned for the morning had been called off due to weather issues, however it was a beautiful day in Brecon so I was happy. The cancelled surprise had been rescheduled for the following day. After a lovely time in Brecon, he led me back to the car. Where to next?? We drove back towards Cardiff, and H pulled into the Country House where we got married. He said we were just stopping there as it was too early to check into the hotel he was taking me. Next thing I know he is going to the toilet, and coming back with a ROOM KEY! He had booked us a room, back to where he made me his wife. He took me up to our room, the view from there was amazing, and it overlooked the front of the hotel where there was a gorgeous fountain. I was one happy lady. He instructed me to get ready as he was also taking me out for a meal and cocktails. I love this man so much it's unreal.

After an amazing night watching live bands and drinking cocktail after cocktail, we woke up and had a lovely breakfast in the hotel. I looked at him over the table, this man was mine. He was so handsome and gorgeous. I could eat him for breakfast... There were other people in the restaurant so I had to be satisfied with a sausage and some beans! H taunted me with the suprise that awaited me that afternoon. I convinced myself he was taking me on a helicopter ride, what else would be cancelled due to weather???

That afternoon H and I got into the car, he turned towards West Wales on the M4. 'Hmmmmm' I thought. I am terrible at guessing surprises so I thought it best that I just sit back and just wait until we arrived. We followed signs for Llandeilo. That was no hint to me what so ever. H looked at me and said "I think you should have put your hair up, although the helmet will cover that so not to worry. I hope they have boots that fit your tiny feet". Oh no! I still had no idea. He was obviously winding me up with these comments, what a tease! We pulled into a pub. Still no relevant clues. We ordered our drinks and sat on a lonely table in the pubs garden. We sat there and drank, I was slightly confused. After we had finished our drinks he told me to get back into the car. I did wonder for a moment, was that it, is he going to drive back home now? Haha! But he turned the opposite direction when pulling out of the pubs car park.

We drove down some country lanes, this surprise was getting more of a mystery the closer we got. We pulled up ouside a field. Woah! Inside the field there was a jeep, a big basket and a HOT AIR BALLOON! Wow! H was taking me on a Hot Air Balloon ride. I could not believe it. I jumped out of the car, and jumped on H giving him kisses. We jumped into the basket, H after me as he had to use his muscles to help the guy set up the balloon... And off we set. It was the most amazing view I have ever seen, and to share it with the love of my life made is 100% better. I kept looking over at the handsome man who held my hand. This was a brilliant surprise, and a surprise it was indeed. H and I kissed mid air, it could not have been better. Stuck in a basket, with my husband, watching the sunset as we floated over the beautiful scenery that was West Wales. H held me close and kissed me.

What a perfect surprise. I could not have wished for anything else. I love that man, and he will continue to amaze me forever.

WHEN DEPLOYMENT TURNS GOOD

The title of this post is probably confusing... But let me just explain myself -

When I think back to before H left for Afghanistan this pops into my head "who was pushing who?". Needless to say, H and I weren't all roses before he left. We had been through the mill, and still not yet fully recovered. The thought of that length of time apart created so much anxiety in me that I could not relax to enjoy my time with him.

Now my heart aches for him, and I curse myself for not making our time special (really special) before he left. Then I sit there and remember that we "weren't quite there" then. And creating false moments would not be any good either. Obviously we had good times, and I loved him with all my heart, but special moments, etc seemed expected due to what was coming, therefore taking the special out of them. Everything we did was tainted with expectation.

Since H left I have had yet another lonely birthday. I had a cake in work on my actual birthday, which was lovely, but something was missing. I went out for tea with my mum, her boyfriend, and the boys, but something was missing. The Saturday before my birthday I went out for a meal with a friend then into Cardiff for a few drinks, but something was missing. The feeling of something missing would bubble up in my stomach, and make me feel sick. I would think to myself 'stop being so pathetic, its just another day. Stop it" but it would linger there waiting for a release that wasn't going to come.

I kept my phone near me in work, knowing that he would call. I had already had a wake up call, but my mornings are so rushed, its never the best time to call. His little picture flashed up on my phone's screen! "Hello baby" I answered. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Kirsty, happy birthday to you". The tears welled up in my eyes, gosh how I wish he was here, in front of me, holding my face and kissing my lips. The phonecall wasn't too long as I was in work, but regardless of how long it was, it made my day. His sexy voice made me smile. "Tell Nicola thank you for getting you a cake as I couldn't".

After a long day at work, I came home to an attempted delivery of a parcel and attempted delivery from InterFlora. Hmmmmmm I thought. InterFlora had delivered my bunch of flowers to next door, and last tours memories swept through me. I don't recall if it was for my birthday or just because, but H sent me flowers and once again I had missed the delivery and they had been delivered next door. My next door neighbour is lovely, little old lady. She always has cakes for the children, they love seeing her! So this birthday - I knock on her door with disappointment as she is not there. I do not have time to wait as my mum was expecting me at the restaurant.

The whole time at the restaurant all I kept thinking was 'Come on, wanna get home, wanna see my flowers'. H is amazing at buying flowers, and I knew they were going to be gorgeous, and I simply could not wait to see them! We finish up at the restaurant, and I drive home to get to my flowers. Mrs Jones was home. She smiled when she saw me, and said "Is it your birthday or something" I nodded and she led me into her conservatory. There they were, a massive bunch of flowers, wrapped in fuschia wrapping, and placed in a gift bag. The flowers were beautiful, big pink roses and lots and lots of lilies, waiting to open up to show me their beautiful bright pink lining.

I thanked Mrs Jones, and carried my bunch of flowers back to my house. It was late so I gazed at them in the kitchen and prepared the vase as the children put their pyjama's on. I wanted to get the boys to bed before I arranged them in the vase and decided where they would live. It was late so the boys went to bed with no fuss, as they were exhausted. Once they were tucked in, I went back to the kitchen. I looked at my beautiful flowers and arranged them in the vase, deciding they should live on the windowsill in the living room. I was so proud of them. Gosh I loved that man!!

That night I lay in bed and weeped. I ached more than ever for him. I spoke to the sky, knowing that we were under the same one. We will be together soon, and then I can sleep with my curtains closed, knowing he is safe by my side, kissing my lips.

I realise that my love for my husband is growing, with the waiting I love him more every day. The anxiety that looms around military relationships is shrinking, and my love is growing. My aching for him confirms my love, my strength to wait for him confirms my love, and my ability to dream of when we are back together confirms my love.

As silly as this may sound, Op Herrick 16 has revived my love, revived my marriage, and made me realise just how much I truly love my husband. Sometimes the true love is over looked by routine, and expectations. When you are thrown out of routine, and your life is turned upside down, paralyzed, you realise who you want and what you want. I am grateful for this tour, grateful for it confirming our love for each other, and reminding us of this love, this true love. The love that is everlasting!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

2 LONELY MONTHS

Firstly let me apologise for my lapse in posts. So much has been going on, and sometimes finding the words can be difficult. But this is my attempt...

I am half way through the first stint of this tour. 9 weeks done, yet 9 weeks until R&R. This is tour is definitely different to Op Herrick 10, but the loneliness is the same. This time I have two little boys running around my legs, rather than one and a bulging bump.

My children keep me busy, however I am finding it hard coping without any sort of restbite. As I write this I can feel myself tensing up and my eyes getting watery. What I am going through is loneliness, yet what I am going through is bound to wear off in some form onto my children. If I cannot cope, how can they? Up until this tour I was convinced I wanted another child, a girl to fill my painted nails/pig-tailed hole in my heart. It has become clear that I am not Wonder Woman, and two little boys is enough for me.

The first few weeks of deployment were difficult, T cried every night when I put him to be (how did he know it was different? Daddy doesn't live here anyway). He would no longer allow me to close his bedroom door at bedtime, like a security thing I guess... He wanted to know that I was still here and wouldn't disappear too. I would sit downstairs and cry as I listened to his plea "I want daddy, I want daddy" - his broken speech through falling tears. In time will he forget? Will he think Daddy was gone forever so there was no point in crying as he never came?

Weeks passed, these nights continued, I started dreading bedtime as I knew the heartache it would cause myself as well as him. J would try to comfort us both, as he could not sleep whilst T yelled. One night I sat at the bottom of the stairs with my head in my hands, breathing with difficulty. I heard J creep in to see T. "Here T, have my Daddy, you can cuddle him and it will be like he's here". J has a lot of army toys, including a HM Armed Forces "action man" type figure. That gesture, as small to some as it may seem, made me weep. When I'm in a "can't cope" mood I know my boys will have each other.

Soon the night time cries became shorter, and now they are more of a short moan. Whilst I was in it I felt it would never end. T has not forgotten H, they speak on the phone, he tells people "Daddy is in work, to get me toys". I guess children learn to cope too. J is very mature for his age, and only now and again will he miss H, I suppose it is different for J as he still has his true father on the scene, therefore has a male influence in his life. When H is away, T only has J in his life.

I have proven myself stronger than previously thought. Please do not get me wrong, I still cry at least two times a week. I still lay in bed at night with the emptiness in the pit of my stomach. And I still drive to work wishing he had kissed me goodbye at the doorstep (something that would not even be true if he was here, something I never wish for whilst he is in this country). I still hear songs that start me off and the lump in my throat rises.

I am lucky enough to have a supporting mum, and a supporting work place. My mum at the moment is my rock, more than she has been before. I look to her for refuge. I look to her for help. During my entire life I have been a 'Daddy's Girl', unfortuately I am not the same Daddy's Girl as I previously has been. I feel I have lost both the main men in my life. My husband, my bestfriend, my love is miles and miles and miles away fighting, living in a war. My dad, my hero, my cornerstone is in the next town, fragile, half the man that he was, sat in his room on a chair in a care home at the age of 47. Last tour my dad was everything, he helped me paint the nursery, decorate the kitchen, and stayed nights on the sofa when I was feeling low. He would turn up early in the morning to cook me breakfast to make sure I ate. He would walk J to school for me. He would clean my car. Now he sits there like an old man, but his eyes are still young. And I need him, but he can no longer give me what I need. I can no longer be the dad he's always been. This change is probably harder for him than it is for me. I go to visit him (admittedly this is rare) and I put on my brave face, the face I use in times of fear and upset, the face that drains every ounce of me just so I do not upset others.

H is amazing when he rings, and he writes me beautiful letters. He has booked surprises for me for R&R as it coincides with our two year anniversary. Just thinking of R&R is what gets me through the lonley moments (whether they be on the sofa, laying in bed or sat at my desk in work). I find myself sitting (laying) there with a big fat smile on my face, if anyone were watching they'd probably assume I was mentally unstable. My eyes gaze upwards, or are closed in a day dream. Today I came home from work to a perfectly folded blue rectangle shaped letter (how does he get the folds spot on?? I always seem to mess one up when sealing). I grabbed the letter and ran inside. It was addressed to 'Kirsty MILF' - I assumed that was me. As I opened the letter, carefully so not to ruin is expertly sealed edges, a playing card fell out. I thought I knew what this would be, during his last tour is robbed the card '4 of Hearts' as the number 4 was my favourite number. I am not sure if I have mentioned this before but the numbers 4 (mine), 10 (his) and 14 (ours) always play a relevant part of our life. I picked up my new playing card, Op Herrick 16 playing card. "Oh" I thought as I sat on the toilet, lid down (the bathroom where I grab 1 minute maximum of peace). I held in my hand the 4 of Spades. That I was not expecting. I open the letter fully and start reading.

This is what it read "I was walking through camp the other day and in the middle of an open area that I have to walk through I noticed a playing card, face down in the dust. I picked it up and it was the four of spades. I've posted it to you for you to keep as a symbol of how lucky we are. 4, 10 & 14 are not lucky numbers but just numbers that remind us of how lucky we are. Lucky to have met and lucky to have stayed together (you're the lucky one really I could have gone after you done two runners from me)."

Moments like these are what keep you going. Something as silly as this to others make your heart skip a beat, you beam with happiness. I shall place this 4 of Spades with my 4 of Hearts. Together they make 8 - 8th August 2010, my wedding day, my happy thought. I love my soldier. I shall wait forever & ever & ever & ever & ever....

**************

Three things will last forever -

faith, hope, and love - and the

greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13 (New Living Translation)